Me & Larp.

Ok, I'm going to get personal here.

This is your only warning that what you read here might cause some discomfort.
I'm known for that sort of thing. Putting some words out there and making people uncomfortable about it.

Consider yourself warned.

I. Hate. Larp.

Thats what it feels like when I look across my social media.
I see all these great and shit people going out and having fun at larps that I can or would never attend for a whole lot of reasons.
Some of those reasons i've posted about before, like the systems that keep allowing abusers or rapists to play whilst victims are forced out. And right now if you're a larper you've probably heard of a few and can think “oh is he talking about XYZ system..”.

I probably am.

Heck even the larp I run has been accused, quite laughably, of harbouring abusers and i've been named as one of them as well by bitter ex players who tried to abuse “but we're friends” privileges.

I've removed people who were friends from a game a run. Why wouldn't I?

But this isn't about that.

That's more than covered else where.

I look out across social media at all the games and see how connected they are and it makes me think that it's all a bit.. inbred.. that's really the only word I have for it.

Everyone seems to know everyone.

I've signed up to games in the last couple of years and been passed over because “it's a blind selection and totes innocent that all our regular mates were chosen and total strangers weren't”.

Can I believe them?

Part of me really wants to but another part of me looks back across social media and the “OMG you're running THAT GAME i'm totes signing up!/Great see you at E1!!” jizzfest that seems to permeate the hobby and I don't feel like I can believe the “randomly selected..” line any more.

I'm bitter.

I shouldn't be.

But I am.

I. Can't. Larp.

That's what it feels like.

I don't feel like I'm good enough for the other games.

I don't think i'm a good roleplayer.

I don't think im a good larper.

I know i'm not a great larp fighter.

I don't have the time to do it.

I don't get how people manage to have all this kit and all the time to travel half way across the country when they're on benefits or student loans.

But thats also something else I blogged about a long time ago.

I look at their kit and i'm jealous.

And then I get angry when I see “you must have kit like XYZ to play” on system rule sets or websites when I know full well that those people built that kit up over years of play and to pull off anything at all like that I'd need to have years of play and kit.

I. Hate. Larp.

That's really what it feels like to me inside.

I look out across social media.

I know facebork is a cesspit of circlejerking ego stroking.

I run a vaguely alright WoD based larp.

People keep coming back.

Not everyone follows the rules as well as they could.

There's a decent amount of rules.

It's not “lite” at all because of the sheer amount of powers associated with the system, and it's got a lot of inbuilt rules abuse stoppers in it.

But then again WoD games arent seen as proper larp by a lot of people.

(which hey, I blogged about that too, go figure...)

I want to like larp.

I want to hang around with larpers.

Like actually spend time with them which isn't at the game I run because sometimes it feels like they're obliged to spend time with me because I run it.

But I can't.

There's to many abusers hiding there.

There's to much back stabbing.

I'm a grown arse adult I don't have time for that sort of shit, this isn't the school yard for gods (pick one, any one, or not) sake!

And I feel as I look across all these other games that I personally am not good enough.

I look at all the people I know and feel that I'm not good enough.

And I really fucking hate that.

Almost as much as I hate systems that continue to allow abusers of any form to remain in them.

Because until those systems get rid of those people I will never go to any of them.

Please dont “but XYZ is so cool..” me. I know its premise is cool. But you've heard about “blowies for lammies” right? Or maybe you've heard of “yeah it's the Refs mate so they get all the plot all the time” or “it's the refs GF of course she's god like and can't be killed an central to everything and doesn't even put the effort in..”

If you're touting a system to me I will look at its page.

If I see a certain name on its page I will black list that larp. I wont attend it.

It's that simple.

There's a bunch of new and shiny larps out there that look like they'd be perfect for me.

Unfortunately all I see are the same names over and over and over..

It's so fucking in bred.

The hobby is huge and yet there they always are.

I. Hate. Larp.

But I shouldn't.
I feel like you hate me.
Bit i don't know if i should or shouldnt.
I feel like an imposter in the scene.

I feel like I don't belong.

I feel like my game only has people coming to it because their friends go and it's seen as an easy place to chill out with their mates.

So that's where i am right now with regards to larp.
I hate it because theres something just appeared that i absolutely love as a setting.
And i can't go to it for all the above reasons.