Abuse in larp

I've been pondering if I should wrote this for a while.
It's been covered by others elsewhere so I worry about the redundancy of me saying it all over again.

But no, I reckon I should talk about it because it should be talked about.

You've probably seen the other articles about "missing steps" and Creeper Players.

See, I've had to deal with them in the past.
As both a Ref and as a Player.

I didn't realise at first what I was seeing.
Everyone just ignored what was happening, it was par for the course, just banter and potential flirting.
Apparently that sort of thing was Normal in the gaming scene.

A couple years down the line, after I'd left that system and got into other systems I found out that sort of thing wasn't normal.
But everyone treats it like it is.

Guy flirts with girl, girl says jog on, guy laughs and walks away, next day there's word going round the site that the girl got drunk and ended up in a tent with the guy who was flirting with her.
Lucky guy right?

No.
Not right.
Not at all.

That girl was raped. And when she tried to say something about it to other players guess what the responses were?
"oh player X, yeah he aims for the drunk ones."
"well, you were drunk, you probably said yes"
"I have a hard time believing that you were raped. You went willingly with that guy back to his tent"
"don't worry about it, it was his last event he won't be back again"

When she spoke to the game team guess what they said?
"we'll look into it"
They did, then nothing happened.
It was brushed under the carpet.
Then at the next event the girl freaks out, makes a scene about someone trying it on with her.
She got labelled a trouble maker and a drama queen.

That's not on.
But I guess that the hobby was just trying to protect itself.
I mean, who wants to admit that they knowingly associate with sexual predators on a social level and do nothing about it because it must all be lies or just someone trying to cause trouble for their mates.

In the last year alone on "the big system" pages I've seen a half dozen similar "my friend was abused and nothing happend"/"we're looking into it" posts.
I've sat with mates as they've discussed such things.

But nothing seems to get done about it.
You then start seeing or hearing "nothing will get done about it, they're a mate of the event team" popping up and posts getting locked or deleted, invariably followed by a "We here at System Name operate a strict policy when it comes to any complaints raised. Please respect the system and do not talk about it on the page. Let the Event Team look into the Complaints and take it from there.".

A lot of new players will see the Strict Policy on Abuse and feel comforted knowing that any abusers will surely be kicked out.

And yet...
There are those who know better, they've seen that post a few times before and seen both victim and abusers still attending events though the victims are often forced out by peer pressure and silenced by some of the more rabid fans of the system with constant snipes and "well the abuser is still here, guess he didn't actually do anything.." goads.

I've witnessed this myself.
It happens.

Is the hobby so worried about actually doing something about the level of abuse, physical, emotional and mental, that happens under their watch?
Are they so afraid that they will suddenly be cast in a bad light and will lose attendance at events?

The Hobby isn't afraid.
Individual systems are.
And they should be.

The Hobby isn't a unified thing. There isn't some big Larp Council that puts rules into place.

That only happens on a system by system level.
And if you've been larping for a few months to a year you've probably heard the stories of someone who was abused, even if you don't know what happened afterwards to either the victim or the abuser.

Police are almost never involved.
Infact I personally can't think of any systems or victims who have gone to the police.
No, that's a lie.
I can think of one system that asked a player if they want the police to be called.

I remember when I asked the person that question.
I asked because I was genuinely concerned about them.
They were petrified of the police getting involved.
"No, I don't want them to be called, I'm at another system next weekend and it'll spread that I called the police on the other person"

What could I do as a ref in that circumstance?
I spoke to the victim of abuse.
I spoke to people who witnessed the abuse, when they figured out what I was asking about they went very quiet.
"We don't want any trouble.." was their response.

Why do the victims and witnesses feel like they will be in trouble? Just what the hell!?

I spoke with my a-ref and with another ref.
Action was taken.
The abuser was spoken to after the event, after witnesses had been spoken to.
That person was asked not to return to the game.

I actively removed someone from my game. Because they were a sexually abusive person who had used my game as a venue to prey on others.

And I got a lot of flack for it from their mates. "So and so wouldn't do that.." "Other person is lying, I wasn't there but I know they're lying" "you're only defending the other person because you fancy your chances with them and got rid of the competition" was some of the stuff that came back to me.

My system took a hit in the social circles.
But after a while the flack died down and other players felt comfortable enough to come to me and my a-ref with concerns about other peoples behaviour.

Every single complaint that's bought to my attention is looked into.
I keep people updated on the progress and the final outcome.
I don't tell anyone who has raised concerns about their behaviour because that would lead to more abuse.

I don't think enough systems are transparent in how they do things.
But then that means they have to acknowledge that people with malintent attend their systems and they may lose members because of that.

But I think that if they own the problem then it will put them in a better light with people want to larp for fun in a predator free environment.
The predators will learn to either correct their behaviour or suffer the consequences.

And as for consequences.. Yes I also worry about the fact that some people might turn vigilante after finding out who's been booted from a system.

If the event team are careful then the only people who find out who's been booted are the victim, the abuser and ref team.

Unless of course the abuser goes elsewhere and starts slagging off the system he was booted from.
That's where the event organisers need to watch out a bit though.
The "new" system Ref's should extend a query to the old system to get the details first hand.
It's then down to the new system to decide if they want a known predator attending their events.

I'm pretty strict in my own system when it comes to people being dicks.
There are a couple of routes that I have followed.
1: Speak to the person and tell them that their behaviour is not acceptable and that if they do it again they'll be given a temporary ban.
2: Inform the person that due to the number of complaints raised recently they are no longer welcome back to the system again.

I've done both and I regret nothing.
Because abuse should not be tolerated.

At the end of the day I'm there to make sure people have fun in a safe environment.
Shouldn't every event organiser be like that?