So, I'm a ref of a "small" larp.
I've running the game for the last twenty five years.
No small achievement.
I'm a pretty hard line ref, rules are rules for the live aspect of the game and the rules are a bit more flexible for the non live part of the game where its more like a Cowritten story between the player and the ref.
There are some rules I won't be flexible on however.
The "social contract" is to me unbending.
It is a hard, solid thing.
When I am running a game I am a Ref. I'm not your friend.
Soon as it hits time out I'm not a ref I'm your friend.
And then there's when it's not Time In and I have to be the Ref.
As a ref I've had complaints brought to me, and I have to look into them with all seriousness.
I will ask the person bringing the complaint to me a lot of questions.
I will also ask if they have proof or witnesses to the origin of the complaint.
I, and my A-Ref, will then go over what has been presented to us.
Will won't assume guilt just because a complaint has been levelled.
We take our time to research the matter.
We speak to witnesses.
We will ask the complainant other questions based on what witnesses say.
One thing we never do at that point is say any names of those who are involved.
It's all just "it's been brought up by some one" and "May I discuss a delicate matter with you about something".
Once we've done that we will then talk to the person the complaint was made about.
We'd watch them beforehand whilst we spoke to other people, make sure they wasn't trying to cover anything up.
After myself and my A-Ref have done all of that then we go over everything.
We ask the complainant what they would like to be done about the matter.
Sometimes it's as simple as have a chat with the other person, tell them to not make such comments in future.
Other times we have to eject people from our game.
Once in a while the other person will leave the system because they know they've been caught red handed and want to leave on their terms before we can officially eject them from the game.
Afterwards, we speak to the person who made the complaint.
We reassure them that they have done the right thing and we thank them for coming to us.
HOWEVER
Unfortunately sometimes people leave, they then slate the system, the other players and most especially myself and my A-Ref.
We've had a lot of abuse hurled at us, including threats of physical violence.
Sometimes those people have gone on social media and actively complained about how myself and my A-Ref have handled things, going out of the way to cause grief for the game.
Generally I'm pretty calm person, I'm easy to talk to, I'm reasonable.
But then when complete strangers on social media, who happen to be mates with the aggrieved abusers, and start to troll you, actively seeking out posts you make to to slag off system..
It's annoying.
Bullies love attention.
They thrive on it.
They get to show how macho or superior they are to their little hangers on.
And if you rise to it apparently that's bad, it apparently shows how right and correct they are.
And if you remain silent, well now that makes them puff up their chests and extoll how they've outed you as a bad person.
They forget the amount of time they attended the game, how many people they introduced to it, how much they raved about it online before they were caught out being an abusive person.
Bullies hate being wrong, they hate not having the last word, that last dig.
They'll dog you on groups and pages, even if you actively block them they'll get their mates to screen shot what you said just so they can reply to it.
But they'll do it in sly ways that mean if you call them out it must be because you were stalking them..
We've had this happen to us,myself and my A-Ref.
It's caused us both to doubt the decision we made in kicking them from our games.
But when looking back at the old documents and complaints it acts like a breath of fresh air, it clears the head.
I'd love to "Just let it go" forget all about the worries.
But they're always there just in the background waiting, watching.
Ready to leap with an "I told you so, look HE'S the bad man, I'm the victim here.."
It's tiring. And I often wonder if it's worth all the agro to run the game I run.
If you are a Ref you'll know what it's like maybe.
If you don't know what it's like, then maybe it's because people aren't comfortable coming to you with a complaint.
But treat everyone equally, do not assume guilt.
But it's proven act on it swiftly. Your game will be better off for it in the end.
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