In the wake of my previous blog, which I admit was more than a little peripatetic, there's actually been some measure of discussion about the state of abuse in larp and how rampant it is.
People new to reffing are poking their heads above the parapets and being told the horror stories of victims who want to join a new system and want to ensure that certain people are not playing, then having to explain why they are having to check, resulting in said horror stories.
I'm going to go to a darker place than normal here today.
I'm going to look at larp from an abusers point of view.
I'm a roleplayer, I've played all kinds of monsters in the past.
This will be an extension of that, and is not necessarily what my actual views are on the subject.
I'm going to treat this as a roleplay.
That's all this.
And I'm slightly uncomfortable with having to make sure that you understand my point of view here.
MY personal thoughts are well documented.
What follows is not my personal thoughts.
And I'm treading dangerously close to Nord Larp territory by doing this..
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My name is irrelevant.
But call me friend.
Everyone else does. I'm just a likeable person.
I help new people out, offer them advice, loan them kit and if they need a safe space they usually come to me.
And I make them feel safe, I make them feel secure, I make them feel like someone cares about them.
That's how I operate. It's easy to do. Flash a smile, say encouraging things in front of everyone to you.
It bonds us all together.
Our friendship grows, you come back to the game, spend more time with me.
We chat, we banter, we flirt.
Maybe it's in character, maybe it's out of character. Who's to say?
You take my clearly in character flirting badly, maybe someone hurt you in the past.
We apologise, there's hugs, it's all a mistake, a simple misunderstanding is all.
My hand lingers a little bit to long on your back, just in the small of the back, so innocent nothing wrong with that, you don't stop me.
Clearly you won't say no if we hug just a little longer, if my arm stays round your shoulder or maybe your waist. After all, we're friends, you know that right?
Friends don't hurt each other.
I'll always be there for you, no matter what.
Oh, did hear the gossip about That Guy, the older one who got married last year?
I heard he likes you.
Better stay away from him, could be trouble..
No, don't worry I won't say anything to anyone else about it.
So, That Guy tried to talk to you earlier today huh? Guess he can't help himself.. His wife isn't at the larp this weekend.
Maybe they had an argument or something..
I see you at the group camp fire, I wait away from it, just watching, keeping you safe from afar..
You've had a bit to drink tonight.. Maybe I should take you back to your tent.
Come on.. No we'll stop at my tent, That Guy won't trouble you here..
Let me help you out of your kit, don't want to damage any of it do you..
Do you remember when you first started here a year ago? All those times I helped you out, loaned you kit, gave you advice about the groups, the factions and the rules?
Yes, that was so sweet of me.. You've come so far now here.
No, I only have the one large sleeping bag, it's fine, we're friends, just friends sharing a tent is all.. No one will talk about us.
I'll make sure of it.
Oh.. Sorry, I'm so used to sleep alone, I guess I just rolled over in the night and cuddled you because I'm lonely.. You won't tell anyone will you..
I see you on the forums, your tents bust, I reassure you that it's totally cool to stay in mine, plenty of room.
Just like last time..
So, here we are, you've had a few drinks at the fire again but I stayed sober.
But I've got a bottle of the good stuff, the stuff you like, here have a drink.. OK I'll have one as well, let me top yours up, no bit of a low mood.. I'll be alright, you're such a good friend, I don't know what I'd do with out you in our group..
Come on, you look beat, let's go to bed, maybe snuggle a little. No one will know..
Sorry.. I guess when you agreed to share the tent with me it was just your way of telling me that you were interested.. Everyone else thinks so.
It's the talk of the camp, so.. We may as well..
Good morning.. So about last night.. Don't tell anyone. You don't want them saying stuff about you being a slut do you.. I mean you practically threw yourself at me, begging me to share my tent, for that booze you like I had, I was saving it for after the game.. No it's OK. Don't worry about buying a replacement. It's fine.
What, you don't want to share the tent tonight? That Guy will make a move on you.. Do you want to be responsible for the divorce with his wife? You'll get the blame. Come on.
What's that Event Coordinator Person? No, we share a tent is all, I'll show you. Look, her sleeping bag, mine. Yeah she was a bit drunk.. She gets drunk most events.. Can't handle her booze. I got her back here so she could sleep it off, we've been tent sharing for a few events now.
No, she's a nice girl and everything, but you know that she's been seen with That Guy.. Yeah. I know, I'm not going to judge her and him.. Not my place to do that, I've been coming here for years now, yeah Event Creator gives me a lift each time, I help set up and take down.
I like the system to much to see it come into disrepute..
Oh, what's that? That Guy isn't here this event? Didn't you know.. He'd been approaching people whilst his wife was away. Yeah one of the Event Organisers dropped by, nice bloke, did you know he's Event Creators, yes the guy who gives me a lift, it's his cousin. We had a bit of a chat.. Sorry.. I stuck up for you and everything, but there's word going round that you're a bit of a slag.. I know.. Its shocking that someone would lie about you.. Why don't I have a chat with Event Creation Person about it..
So long as you keep your head down nothing will happen I don't think you're a trouble maker or a drama queen, not my words, but I do get around Camp and hear things, I've done some damage control. Yeah I'm such a good friend.. Come on, I've got some of The good stuff back at Our tent..
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So easy, so innocent seeming at first right?
Then the guy starts to manipulate the situation, putting pressure on the victim, making other people doubt what she says.
The slope is gentle, ever dropping off until she can't say anything because of how she'd be seen by others in the event/camp.
Some abuse you never notice until after the fact, after the gaslighting and playing on your fears and anxieties.
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